Winter Break: Start

Hey everyone! =)

I'm in a great mood... not just because I'm eating Haagan Dazs Green Tea ice-cream right now. It is Winter Break. Oh yes~ the break we have all been looking forward to. We're all at the edge of dying and winter break is our "recovery period." Hahaha. Anyway, I shall now blog about my last day of school.

1st period - Vocab test. I aced it. xD De Pauw gave meh an A!

2nd period - We had a short lecture from Wong, then he gave out presents. It was a ruler with all the US presidents (even Obama). Then we got cookies! It was tasty! =) After that, I helped hand out Secret Santa present. =) It was fun.

3rd period - We watched the movie UP.

4th period - We continued watching UP.

5th period - There was a BBQ, but I didn't want to go. So I went to Zapata's class. =)

6th period - Acadeca, I practiced some impromptus. I had horrible topics. One of them was "You have just won a beauty pageant, give a speech." something like that. I was like *facepalm*

I'm kinda lazy. I don't want to blog about when I got what and the whole day....it will be too long and there is too much to talk about. So I shall just list it! XD

• A bag that said "NERDS F#CK@NG RULE!" true to that! From Jenn <3>
• Cookies + Ruler from Mr. Wong... YUMMY~ thank you =D
  
• Panda & Nail Polish from Michelle Yu.. Yu are awesome! Thank you ^_^
• M.A.C. eyeliner from Rene. OMGOSH THANK YOU!
• Cookies from Bernadette! delicious~ thank you ;P
• Red T-shirt from Mr. Luu~ thankkk youuu too! xD
• Pretty flower necklace from Phan! I LOVE IT! <3>
• Webcam from Yong! Thannnkk youuu *hug*

I got so many presents =) haha.

Thank you ^_^

A Love Letter

Hope

I was going through my friends blogs and I realize that quite a few of them had the same "theme"

- Hope.

I thought it was quite interesting how so many people were talking about hope. Then it made me think about hope in my life. I reflected a bit on my life and I saw how important hope has been to me. Through my ups and downs and even up till now, I hope is one of those things I move forward for.

I think its a beautiful thing to have, Hope. No matter how down and out you are, hope is that small hole with streams of light coming through when its dark everywhere. And I know many of my friends are not religious, but many are as well. So, I say to my friends who are... I
am glad how God gives me hope everyday in my life. No matter how big or small. A lot of it is probably Grace as well.

Like when I cried so hard when I got my math test back I had my friends to hug and comfort me. Then I still go on crying and Yong just sat next to me and told me he'd help me with my math. I just took a test just now. I probably failed.... again.... but I think I got it a bit better because Yong helped me the day before. xD Like Jenn's posts would say... Yong GMH. lol yup Terima Kasih ^_^

Then there are disasters that happen and I feel like I can't move on in life. When you think that you're going to loose your family and you start to lose yourself. You cry so much to the point you can't cry anymore and you just can't express how much grief there is within you. You can literally feel your heart being ripped apart and the veins in your body turn cold. I remember seeing a face I loved to much with so much pain and agony. It was so hard to look at and that image stains your memory. But then I remember I even though I felt like that, I could still stay calm and composed.

I think that was my hope, the one God gave me. People think I am crazy and ask me how I know it's from God. I don't know how to explain. It's just something you experience to understand. It's pretty extraordinary and quite literally.

Then there are some petty feelings like homesickness. But when I look around me and see the new friends that I have made. I feel a bit better, like I can somehow cope with it. A lot of times I feel left out in a lot of things because like one of my friend calls it, I am a "tainted ABC/FOB." Not a "true ABC" for having lived overseas. Not a "true FOB" for not being born overseas. But Then I think about how ridiculous it is I laugh. I ask myself why we call each other these things when we are all the same - ASIAN.

But anyway, class is ending.

GMH.

Friends

Well, I don't have much to say about today. Actually, I just don't want to talk about today.

But I do want to say thank you to all my friends. I know it's way past Thanksgiving, but yeah...

Especially to Paula for today. I don't know if you read blogs or even mine. lol But thanks for being there for me today. =) I'm sorry I just started crying out of nowhere. I did not intend to. I just wanted a hug but I ended up sobbing. >.< Thanks for listening. Sorry to keep you from going wherever it is you had to go. You're awesome though. =)

Thank You Bernadette for sticking with me like always. Since 9th grade all the way till now. I really treasure our friendship. I enjoyed 3rd period in freshman year and you were one of those people who made it great! I love all the stuff you make and make. It's full of homemade love. Whenever I'm with you I feel like I have a best friend. It's a nice feeling. You're really awesome and caring. You take care of me always. I am especially glad you're with me in Acadeca. I think if you were not in Acadeca, I would go insane. You know, I'm glad if you get my spot in Acadeca. I'd support you and help you all the way because you do that for me all the time.

Lily! The person I treat like my big sister. I annoy you and you still tolerate me. Haha. Thank you very much. You take care of me too. Give me lots of advice. Tell me not to go crazy by taking a bunch of AP classes. lol. I like all the drama's you introduce me too. AND I LOVE YOUR STORIES! #1 FAN RIGHT HERE! LOL Glad you're my friend ^_^

Adrian =) Haha. It's so funny how our friendship started. XD I'm glad I got to know you. I enjoy talking to you. Sorry we don't talk as often now. We're both busy with school now. You kept me company a lot. =) You're like a big brother sort of person to me. ^_^ *poke* Thanks for always listening to the weirdest and most random things I have to say. I like how you talk more now. haha =3 and I like you're most over-used expression. It is so cute. xD Thank you =3

Alan! COACH! Thank you for teaching me basketball...somewhat... LOL At least, I now know the proper way to shoot a hoop. Thanks for being there when I'm HIGHHHHHH and down in the dumps. xD You are like so freakinngg coooolllliiooo... xD Thanks for the food, lunch, rides... yup... =D

Yong and Rey~ I just can't separate you two. It seems like if you guys are not put together, its not complete. HAHA. Thank you guys for always cracking me up. Whenever I'm sad I look for you guys. You two don't really know it, because I don't show it, but you guys cheer me up all the time. Your stupid jokes make me laugh so hard I forget whatever it was I was sad or angry about. =D Rey thank you for keeping me company and sitting next to me last year in Math Analysis. Haha. Dude, I really like the story you wrote for our project last year. HAHA I still laugh when I think about it. xD Yong. Well, thanks for always making me laugh too. Even when I barely knew you. Thanks for always trying to help me out. I really appreciate it. ^_^

Julie!!! =P Thanks for just hanging out and being there! It's awesome that you're funny and really energetic =D Sometimes, friends like you don't need to say much. We don't need to hang out much after school. Just the fact that you're there is great~

Well, of course, there are way more people I can thank. But I need to do homework now. I still love all the people I didn't name!!! <3

Getting Colder

It's getting colder and colder now. It actually rained today. I'm happy because I miss the rain. It's not the same though. In Malaysia, it always rains after a really really hot day. Over here, it rains when it is really cold. How funny.

This means I have to wear more clothes =.=" Annoying. I like how I can just walk around in T-shirts, or even a spaghetti strap, and shorts in Malaysia and NEVER catch a cold. Over here, the cold weather makes your body more prone to getting sick. In fact, everywhere I go, someone is sick. EEK. I don't want to get sick! But at the same time, I kind of do.

Anyway, I wish I could sleep. Whenever it is rainy, I feel sleepy.

It is cold.
You have a warm bed.
You wanna snuggle up under the covers.
Stay warm.
Sleep.

Sounds awesome huh? I think that's what I will do when I get home today. Sleep right away. Too bad that will mean skipping dinner with family T_T" but I have so much homework today and Chapter 20 AP US test tmr. MUST STUDY! Book Report due tomorrow! AHHHH

I want it to be winter break already. I want to go to Big Bear. I want to spend time with my family! and watch old family videos! III caaann't waaaittt.

Dying Slowly

So yeah, I feel like I'm dying. I stay up till like 2am or longer every night and that is suppose to be like "normal." But I feel really tired. I think that if I didn't have Acadeca I wouldn't stay up so late and I would get better grades. It really is sucking the life out of me. I have to stay after school everyday and when I get home I have to do way more homework.

Yeah I know a lot of people have 3 AP classes too, but I want to maintain As in my AP classes. Right now I am not doing so well in Calculus. I really want to bring it up, at least to a solid B this semester and a solid A next semester. AP US I don't get much time to read the chapters nowadays. AP English, I haven't even started on my 300 page book report that is like due in 5 days. It's okay though, I've read the book before. I just need to pick out quotes and comment on them.

This morning, I woke up and I was really tired and sad. I didn't finish review chapter 17-19 for my unit test for AP US today. =( The first thing I told my mommy was that I felt like dropping Acadeca. I know deep down inside I don't want to but then I'm super sad that my other grades are falling too. T_T She started to tell me not to give up and everything. Then I started crying. =( My first time crying over not doing as well as I want to in school.

People tell me I am crazy to cry over a one C and 2 Bs in my report card, but they don't get it. I work so hard and I get those grades?! It really pisses a person off. It makes them want to work harder. I want to work harder but I don't have the time to work harder.

I have to stay after school everyday and I barely have time to study for my SAT that I will be taking this Saturday. It's really depressing.

I'm not a genius.
Just an average person.
I work super hard.
But I don't have the brains some people have.
I don't have the ability to memorize like some people.
A lot of people don't even try and they get things really easily.
I have to put in like...
tonnes of work just to get what they get. =(
I feel really stupid sometimes,
Like I'm not cut out for school.

The only reason I don't want to do horrible, is because I don't want to be like when I was in elementary and ignore my school work completely. It was like nothing to me. Some people still don't believe that I was an F student. I don't believe that I'm an A student right now. But I slap myself and I realize it is real.

Man, I like Acadeca a lot, but when I look at my grades, it just breaks me. I feel the determination in me to do better and reach for my goal. But I don't have the time to do it. I ask myself how I am going to make the time. I already sacrifice hours and hours of sleep. My Saturdays are all-day homework days. My Sundays are church in the morning and the rest of the day is homework time.

My legs skins have a sickly pale color. It's not even funny. I can't even play sports or just go out for a jog. I miss going out and just sitting in the sun. I don't even eat with my family during dinner. I sleep or do homework instead of eat with them.

What now Waverly? What are you going to do?